Shaman Idol
by Neko-Neko Faust VIII
Summary: What happens when American Idol gets Shamanized? Why are the Hanagumi the Judges? Why is Faust the Host? Why is Horohoro retarded? And...huh! Ren Hung!
1. Idols

Shaman Idol

A/N: I wanted to do a Shaman Idol, like American Idol shamanized! Guess who the judges are? Nheh, and the contestants?

Let's just say that our favorite idol might pop up as well….Ren Hung?

The audition hall was in a din, with aspiring singers and oddballs of all types crowding by the stage, waiting for their shining moment in the sun…Meanwhile, the three judges, Team Hanagumi, were drinking sodas vigorously, as they were trying to beat the sweltering, suffocating summer heat, as well as the annoying "idols."

"Mari wants to know why Kanna signed Mari up for this job…" pouted Mari, sucking the last drop of soda from the cup.

"Mari's bored!!!" she whined with a slight sob.

Kanna shook back her thick, shiny, bright blue hair, scowling at the doll-carrying girl. "Shut up…" she growled menacingly, putting her ciggarette out in the remnants of Mari's soda. "And stop sucking on that damn soda!"

She viciously grabbed the cup from Mari's hands, and threw it at an innocent-looking pinkette hopeful who was nervously attempting to remember her song. The pinkette gave a squeal on impact, and ran into a black-haired young man with the scariest hairstyle known to man.

"Whaddo you-a think you're –a doin'?!" screamed the obviously Mexican teen, pushing Tamao onto the ground, and resuming to slapping vast amounts of bluish gel onto his pointy pompadour.

Tamao, shocked at finding not Ryu but his dub counterpart Rio who sounded like a Mexican on crack, ran away, and, unfortunately, bumped into the usher…

The usher glared at her, his luxurious chocolate brown hair blowing lightly in the wind as he lit a match in front of her innocent face, teasing her evilly.

"Behold, the match-o'-fire, my fair maiden! Now, bump into me again and nearly tear off one of the floofy stars on my uber-hip pants, and this match will land…" he said, twirling a lock of her short pink her around his little finger, "in your pretty pink hair…"

Tamao ran away from Hao as well, screaming all the while, until she ran into a sign that said, "No Screaming," and politely stopped.

The Hanagumi laughed and then announced on the omnipotent intercom, "Will the next group of contestants please enter the audition room…" for a second they paused. Then Mari whispered, "Let Mari play a prank with Macchi!!"

Kanna nodded mischeviously, and Maachi shouted, "And the rest of you, go home! We only want these guys to come in!! Okay?! So get your stuff, and get out our spiffy sliding-glass doors!!…"

Mari added, "Yes, and when you are out of our building, go buy one of Mari-Chan's snowcones, and help raise money for the Chuck Society!!"

A hushed silence fell over the towering skyscraper, and then, loud moans and crying rang throughout the city, as the "idols" with their broken dreams were ushered outside of the building by a maniacally giggling Hao.

Predictably, the moans and laments quickly turned to horrified screams and pleads for lives as Hao, in a very dashing fashion, proceeded to tie the unsuspecting masses to large bottle rockets, and launch them into oblivion, a belated 4th of July, in a way.

"Please, Hao-Sama! Don't burn us!! It's just like 9/11 all over again!" pleaded one victim.

"Yes, and look at the beautiful sunset!" cried another.

Hao merely gave them a Yoh-esque cheesy smile and set them all off, watching the people blow up into itty bitty pieces and shower the city like confetti.

"Ah! A wonderful show, truly great!!" said Hao with tears of joy streaming down his face and a crowd of fangirls mobbing behind him. "Uh-oh…This looks bad…" murmured Hao morosely, slipping into the building unnoticed.

Softly, as he swung his flamethrower merrily at his side, he said cheerfully, "It really was a pretty sunset, just like the man said, wonder where he is now…Hm, he did really make lovely confetti, what, with all of his colorful tattoos and such…Yes, a beautiful sunset."

Hao stretched his arms out and got ready to watch the so-called "elite" set of auditioners that were set to perform in a few minutes. What a holy scramble that should be.

"Hm, it appears I have some charred black skin on my pants, well, better get that off." he said, jauntily smoothing out his right floofy pant leg.

"I'll make your ASS into a sunset!!!!!!!" bellowed a furious someone in ire, suddenly grabbing the nape of Hao's neck and hitting him over the head with a broken bottle, rending Hao unconscious.

This someone, as it turns out, was a very inebriated, very messed up, Lyserg Diethel, who was red in the face and apparently had left his pendulum at home, instead opting for a broken bottle. He was also a contestant in the contest, being partners with his boyfriend Marco.

Marco embraced his drunk greenette, and they trudged into the main hall, the room where the stage resided, and sat down quietly, due to the new threat that loomed above them.

The judges, Mari, Macchi, and Kanna, as it seemed, had made use of their guardian ghosts, and were using them, Ashcroft especially, to control the rowdy "idols."

It seemed that all of the contestants were present, and among them were a good number the Hanagumi knew, you could have called it bias, but they prefer to call it, "friendship."

So, with all of the preparations complete, the show was ready to go on air live, as they called out the show's host…

"And now, to open our THRILLING competition, we call out our great host…Faust VIII!" shouted Macchi through the microphone, screaming as loudly as she could.

Both the audience and the contestants seemed to fall into an embarrassed silence as the host did not come through the curtains as expected. Though they did hear thumping sounds stemming from above the stage….

Kanna looked furious, but decided to listen to the rather interesting thumping noises that were bouncing off the walls.

She pondered for a moment, and then looked up in rage to the balcony…Dear god! What the HELL was he doing?!

The bluenette ran furiously up the sparkling, spindly stairs, and not much to her surprise at all, she found Faust nestled closely with Eliza, or, one should say, in her…In a very unusual position….Faust's mien truly looked at Kanna in embarrassed horror, and much to his expectations, he felt her hand connect with his cheek in a very Anna-esque manner.

"Ow..ow…ow…Ittai desu!!" he cried, removing himself from his wife's skeleton and placing her inside his tuxedo coat.

Kanna gazed at him in disgust, "Whaddo you think you're trying to do?! Idiot, you don't go at it with a skeleton on live TV! There are CAMERAS up here, I hope you know…I think the PARENTS with their KIDS watching this should be HAPPY for YOU." she growled, nearly frothing at the mouth, and her cigarette falling to the floor in tiny embers.

Faust gave her a dark glare. "She's not a skeleton, she's my wife." he pouting, nearly throwing away his dignity to do a puppy-dog face.

She took his hand and literally dragged the poor necrophilliac necromancer down the stairs, becoming more and more satisfied with every wholesome crunch of his skull as she listened to him whine.

"It just isn't fair, Kanna-san! I mean, look at Yoh, he is so much younger than me, and I suppose he gives Anna pleasure every night! And she returns! And what do I, the hardworking psycho-doctor, get from Eliza?! Nicht! Zip! Zilch! Zero! Nada! Tell me the justice in that, ne!? What is it worth doing this show?! You said you would pay me in popsickles, and you lied! All you gave me was a check that is almost as tall as myself, and what good does that do me!? I don't want cash, I want the cold stuff! Gimme the popsickles!" he whined continously all the way down.

"Fine." grumbled Kanna, stealing a popsickle from the vending machine, and stuffing it literally into Faust's open mouth. He merely returned the payment with what seemed to be an exlclaimation of cheerfulness in his native German language.

As Faust left for the stage, Kanna recoiled in horror. Her hand was stuck in the vending machine! She screamed as loud as she could, but nobody seemed to hear her as she shook the machine vigourously and pounded on the trap door with her other free hand…

Unfortunately, however, Kanna shook the machine so hard, that it came off of the floor, gave an ominous shake, and toppled onto the leader of the Hanagumi with a sickening crunch.

The NEW ushers, the lovely Lilly5, escorted both Kanna and the vending machine, as they were both in horrible condition, to the infirmary for further inspection and healing.

Some people in the audience gave him strange looks, as he walked elegantly onto the stage, top hat and all, with Eliza dressed in a flowing ballroom gown and holding the microphone for him…The two truly looked ornate, truly regal, and all the best for hosting a show such as this, save that his popsickle was dripping onto the floor, as he'd forgotten about it, and that Eliza was only a skeleton, but still, it was a fairly fancy image.

"Hello everyone! I am Johann Faust VIIII, and this is my lovely assistant Eliza, and we are about to show you magic beyond what the mind can comprehend! Forget the cards, and the doves, this is real stuff! Okay Eliza, would you so kindly step into this box?" he announced in a voice than reminded the audience of a magician.

Macchi threw a pail of candy at Faust, and knocked him out cold, leaving the ushers, the ultra-cute Lily5, to drag the unsuccessful magician and his assistant off of the stage and into the infirmary along with Hao, Kanna, and the vending machine.

Upon his departure, some people swore they heard Faust murmuring something about satisfying himself with bones, but they weren't sure…

The now reduced Hanagumi needed a new host, and fast, and much to their relief, a rather obese-looking Horohoro lingering by the fried cheese stand that was conveniently located directly ON the stage. They pushed the unsuspecting Ainu boy into the spotlight, and forced him to say something.

"Hi. I'm Horohoro." he said lamely.

The audience began to throw soda cans and various trash items at our favorite Ainu-no-Baka, and, the Hanagumi, not wanting the infirmary to be filled so quickly as it had, made use of Kanna's Ashcroft, and incapacitate a few audience members, and because the infirmary was reserved for "idols" and judges only, the injured audience members were thrown in a

garbage truck along with a three-week-old bloated cow, and…Yoh's son Hana.

Out of the corner of his eye, Yoh saw the truck leave with Hana throwing a holy racket in the back, punching the dead cow, and the audience members, and just being plain rabid.

Yoh sprang for the gigantic truck, just as it had started to leave from the parking lot, and the obese man driving with a jar of pudding in his hand blared the radio so loud that the mighty sound waves emitting from it swept the unfortunate shaman into the air…and then…

A/N: Evil of me to leave it on a cliffhanger, is it not? This is just something for fun, so I might not update it often, but when I do,

it shall be a lot of work, de gozaru! Please review, cordially, and I shall write more!

PS: We all hate cows.

Ja Ne- Neko-Neko Faust VIII


	2. Ann the Evil Hillbilly

Shaman Idol

A/N: I wanted to do a Shaman Idol, like American Idol shamanized! Guess who the judges are? Nheh, and the contestants?

Let's just say that our favorite idol might pop up as well….Ren Hung?

Disclaimer: 'Tis a pity that I do not own Shaman King…

And then, out of the blue, came none other than…SUPER MOSUKE!!!!!

Clad in a tight, sexy spandex suit emblazoned with the letters SM, Mosuke flexed his ripped muscles, breaking the thin blue spandex sleeves of his suit, from the background, a high-pitched squeal sounded…

"KURUUUU!!!!" squealed Kororo, glomping poor Mosuke, and rendering him unable to see while he flew amongst the azure sky to save Yoh and Hana.

Mosuke shrugged and let Kororo glomp him until he reached the truck, Yoh hanging onto the bumper, being grazed by the unforgiving cement and gradually being able to see his intestines.

Out of nowhere, Faust popped up, "If you sit on a pool grating, your intestines will be pulled out through your anus."

Mosuke, Yoh, and Kororo all gave Faust strange looks after he said what he had, then, with a jolly smile, the psycho-doctor proceeded to hold a small press conference on a flying carpet, still wearing the infamous, handsome ebony tuxedo.

One of his students asked, "Are you crazy?"

Faust gave an emphatic nod, "Ja, of course, why?"

"How crazy are you?" asked another.

"Yeah, and are you crazy about being crazy?" inquired a dumb-looking kid to the left.

"And if so, how crazy are you about being crazy, isn't that crazy?" asked a bald, obese, vacuum salesman.

With this barrage of questions set upon him, Faust summoned Eliza, "Meine Eliza! Send them to hell in a breadbasket!"

Eliza nodded, but then realized she had run out of breadbaskets, due to the vast amount of people her dear Faust had wanted to send to Hell in them today…Well, of course, today was Monday, and on Mondays Faust ALWAYS had more people he wanted to send to Hell in a breadbasket than usual..

So, to remedy her problem, she merely walked over to the Dairy Queen across the street, and ordered a gross of shiny new breadbaskets to send the students to Hell in. Faust gave her a kiss on the cheek as the enamored couple held each-other tightly, watching a new batch of people drift down to Hell in breadbaskets…Truly a romantic sight!

Meanwhile, Super Mosuke resumed his heroic duties and floated over to the window, however, being a ghost, he scared the truck driver into a dreadful seizure, and the old man began to froth so very unattractively at the brim of his mouth…Mosuke shrugged yet again, but then realized the car was destined to crash, and so, very wisely, made an offering to The Great Sock God.

"O Great Sock God, please, take this offering," he proclaimed in a deep, masculine voice, brandishing Kororo, and throwing her into what had to be deep space, "And save us from this impending doom that has been set upon us!"

The Great Sock God, who actually turned out to be Sharona, was busy eating cheese, and merely nodded, stopping the car completely, and turning poor little Kororo into a jar of Cheez Whiz.

"It is ze cheezz!!!" squealed a happy Sharona with piggish delight.

So, with the savior of Hana and Yoh, Mosuke returned to the Sock Cave to contemplate his upcoming battle with Super Amidamaru…Leaving Yoh and Hana stranded on a busy intersection…

"Oh crap…" Yoh grimaced as he saw a flashy red convertible approach him ominously.

Hana merely looked on in innocent oblivion, sucking his thumb.

And then…BOOM! A fierce hand connected with Yohs' cheek, immediately he knew who it was…or did he?

"A-Anna?!" he questioned meekly, cradling both his cheek and Hana.

But it was not Anna…It was…

"Howdy! M'name's Ann, I dun kinapped your wife an' I tied 'er up in m'horse stable, yaa knaa? Haw haw haw! Wanna come ride m'ponies? I got un' his name's Cliffgard, an…"

"A-Ann from Harvest Moon64?! Holy Crap!" exclaimed Yoh in horror.

Hana smiled and laughed at the girl's retarded laugh, jacked up teeth, and the blanket of hair that stemmed from her armpit, which she was now smelling.

"Awweeee! That dun smells good!" said the stupid hick girl, sniffing her armpit with a piggish snort, "An' naa I'm gonna kinnap ya, 'cause I'm a dun fangirl, and I wan' ya all ta m'self!! Haw haw haw!!" she announced, with yet another retarded laugh.

Yoh recoiled in utter shock, as the strange, putrid hill-billy girl who must have been on a drug of some sort tied him up, and threw him and Hana both in her red convertible, and prepared to take him back to her ranch…

A/N: Thank you to ShiningStarAngel, the only reviewer I have had so far!!! You are truly the best! I do hope I get another review, and please forgive my rendition of Ann, for any of her fans out there… coughcoughevilstupidhillybillyretardgirlwithjackedupteethandsmellyclothingwhoeatscowdungonaregularbasis

Sorry again.

Keep reviewing and reading, and see next time as the contest FINALLY sets into motion, with the X-Laws, Iron Maiden Jeanne, Tokageroh, Tamao and all the rest…Prepare for the return of Ann, and the return of Faust to the infirmary! Who will

rescue Yoh and Hana, and what about the Hanagumi? Will Ann ruin the contest? Who knows?

PS: I do, for I am writing it.

PSS: Thank you again ShiningStarAngel!

PSSS: I really do like all of the SK Characters, well, most, but I just enjoy poking fun at them.

PSSSS: I love Faust, however I enjoy poking fun at he and Eliza, whom I also like! They're my 2 favorite characters, and my

dearest mascots!!

PSSSSS: Prepare for more madness!  
Ja Ne

Edelweiss, edelweiss, you look happy to meet me, small and white, clean and bright, bless my homeland forever….

And "Edelweiss" is still conquering the depths of my jumbled mind…


	3. Magical Faust AKA Fred Astaire

Shaman Idol

A/N: I wanted to do a Shaman Idol, like American Idol shamanized! Guess who the judges are? Nheh, and the contestants?

Let's just say that our favorite idol might pop up as well….Ren Hung?

Disclaimer: 'Tis a pity that I do not own Shaman King…

Apparently, no one back at the Idol Building seemed to acknowledge Yoh's absence, and thus continued their program and began the glorious auditions!

"Okay guys! Now's your time to shine!" said Mari happily into the microphone.

"Why?" asked a rather braindead member of the audience.

Mari gave a death glare to the no-name, "Because Mari said so, and because when the "idols" lose, Mari gets to burn them along with the couch!"

Macchi slapped Mari, "No! She means, BLURN them!! My friend here said BLURN, not BURN, my dear audience!!"

Mari began to cry, while the audience stood up in their seats, dumbfounded.

The obviously bravest member of the audience, rather portly man dressed in a clown suit, asked, "What does blurn mean?"

Macchi and Mari froze...What DID blurn mean?

Thankfully, as if sent from the heavens, a VERY drunken Lyserg, and a now VERY drunken Marco lap danced onto the stage, singing and shaking merrily their empty bottles of rum.

"Blurn's an Irish word m'dear!" exclaimed Marco, grinding with Lyserg's backside.

"'Tis a word of merriment, folks!" cried Lyserg.

"It is, my tootsie roll boy! And, now, we're-a-gonna perform for ye merry travelers!" Marco and Lyserg both chanted in unison.

"A-ONE-A-TWO-A-ONE-TWO-THREE-FOUR!"

To the Tune of Luna's Boat Song from Lunar SSS

_Wishing on some rum that seems far off.._

_Wanting to get plastered today…_

_Into the drunken night, a thousand X-Laws hear their names…_

_Being called by a flourescent gnome…_

_But, what if the rum is not to come?_

_Will their alcohol level dwindle to nothing?_

_In this time it matters most…_

_We all need to believe there is hope!!!_

_Can there be an eleven-pint right beside of me?_

_Is there a six pack somewhere and I'm not knowing?_

_I know my mind should guide me but,_

_There's a hole within my soul!! _

_Is there a bottle of wine blurning?_

_I'm not good at the Drunken Fist, but I'm learning…_

_I wish then, for a chance to drink,_

_Now all I need (blurnie!) is my…_

_Rum to come… trails off wistfully_

Lyserg and Marco looked up to the skies, as if seeking divine assistance, as they really had run out of rum.

"Mari still doesn't know what blurn means." said Mari, bored, and twirling a blonde pigtail around her finger.

The audience dissolved into a total UPROAR. Once again, the harrassed Hanagumi made use of Ashcroft, therefore killing off at least another third of the audience, and thus requiring the Lily5 to throw the limp bodies in a dump truck yet again.

"You know, after they die, up to sixty minutes later, they can still bite." said Faust, once again popping out of seemingly nowhere due to his "magical" powers.

Sally stepped back in shock, "What the hell?! How'd you get here?!"

Faust made a genie-like gesture and proceeded to ride into the sky, "'Tis a secret, fellow thespians!!! HOHOHOHOHO!!!" he said, disappearing with Eliza into the clouds.

The Lily5 promptly fainted, requiring the NEWER ushers, Ponchi, Konchi, and Tamao, to carry them off to the infirmary.

Tamao paused, disappointed, "Wasn't I going to enter?" she wondered with sad eyes.

Ponchi gave her a rude gesture with use of his middle finger, "Nah, just be the usher, it's funner."

Magically, as if out of nowhere, Magician Faust appeared, "Yes, hello dear little pinkette! I would like to state that everyone call me Fred Astaire from now on, and to Ponchi, 'funner' isn't a word…OHOHOHOHOHOHO!" he chortled, drifting away on a magenta dragon with his beloved, into the sky once more, sparkles of light shining from the dragon's underside…

"Dear god, it's pee!" cried the scared psychic.

Tamao screamed, and started to madly swing her nightstick around in the air, bashing Macchi in the face, and rendering her rather angry now, for her face was rather smushed, but still able to be a judge.

Macchi called Rio in to be Tamao's partner, and to patrol the area in case Ryu showed up…Because, as it turned out,

Ryu was not allowed in the contest simply because of copyright laws concerning Elvis, and that was how it was…

As if ignoring the strange events around them, the next group of performers, so called "idols" entered the stage…But the performers weren't present, all that was there was a…

"Mari sees a Yellow Submarine." yawned Mari, fanning herself…

The music began playing, and suddenly out of the Yellow Subamarine came…

The X-Laws?!?!?!

A/N: Yet another cliffhanger, my fellow homo sapiens! Yes, yes, I made Faust into a magician, and if you are wondering, yes the magenta dragon did indeed pee upon sweet little Tamao…Sorry Tamao fans, and anyone else who might have perchance been offended…I just like poking fun at them, a lot of people do, and we know they aren't like this for real! Well…some of them.

proud smile

I believe Ann is very in-character.

Ann: scratches armpit and laughs Hey lookkie, I found some o' them mash potaters from las' week!!! Haw haw haw!! Look Yoh!! Look Anna! Look lil' baby dude!

YohAnnaHana: Dear god…

See you with Chapter Four!!! R&R, alright?

Ja Ne

Neko-Neko Faust VIIII


	4. Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend

Shaman Idol

A/N: I wanted to do a Shaman Idol, like American Idol shamanized! Guess who the judges are? Nheh, and the contestants?

Let's just say that our favorite idol might pop up as well….Ren Hung?

Disclaimer: 'Tis a pity that I do not own Shaman King…

"We're the X-Laws and…" introduced Meene.

"We live in a Yellow Submarine!!!!!!!!!!!!" shouted Denbat and Venstar cheerfully.

They whipped out their sparkling guitars, and began to play and sing "Yellow Submarine," whilst the ever-drunken Marco and Lyserg moonwalked in the fog-machine augmented background, all the while giggling like schoolgirls.

While the X-Laws attempted to impress the Hanagumi with their riches and special effects, a different band caught Macchi's eyes….

Two tall Native American men and an old woman were selling..erm—_goods…_whilst playing ravishing, melodical songs on their beaded guitars that had drawn a small, noisy crowd to the unsuspecting _dealers…_

But before Macchi could reach the dynamic trio, the security reached them first.

Tamao, and Rio, had reached them before her, and had begun to escort the group off of the premises for peddling drugs of many kinds.

"No Miss, I'm afraid you don't understand…these are Native American HEALING devices and powders and leaves…REALLY, I swear!!" said the attractive, taller man.

"That-a doesn't-a cut-a-it-a!" yelled the Mexican counterpart of Ryu, "You-a are-a Native-a American-a who-a speaks-a Japanese-a and-a has-a name-a that-a sounds-a Italian-a! It's-a not-a gonna cut-a it-a!"

Silva smiled, leading both Karim and Goldva to smile as well, and push their goods in front of Rio's chiseled face, leading Tamao to grimace and sweatdrop.

"Well, you sound like a Mexican on crack, boy." commented the old woman in a cracking voice, close to the brink of laughter.

Rio grinned ear-to-ear and took quite kindly the drugs that Goldva pushed into his nose, and went off to become world-class gypsies with them, he said he had found his Best Place, and was happy…

And…that was the day, that Tamao went bad.

She began dressing in clothing that made her look as if she were Miss Nancy from Read or Die, and donned dark sunglasses, and a cigarette lingered constantly in her mouth…

Every male she would pass, she would harshly kick in the pants, and every female she would pass, she would say was fat and give her an eating disorder…And, well, for the inbetweens, she did both. A nice way to solve things, as she said.

The Hanagumi were worried, and even more so for the fact that they had allowed the X-Laws to perform live on the Idol stage for nearly three days, and so kicked the X-Laws off of the stage, and had the kindly janitor, Yohmei, sweep them away.

"So, now Mari says for the next people to come up on the stage, so come up, okay? If you don't I will have Chuck eat you." said Mari, smiling viciously.

Silently and dramatically, a metal cage lowered down onto the stage, and bubblegum pop music began to blare…The cage lowered itself all the way down…and a wildly dancing figure inside began to sing….

And it was…

IRON MAIDEN JEANNE?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Dressed in sexy red and black leather, with a whalebone corset that accentuated her clothing, adorned with spiked collars and crosses all about her, was the supposedly angelic Iron Maiden Jeanne, belly-dancing her little heart out!

Marco and Lyserg jeered at the sight of their dear Iron Maiden suddenly turning Britney Spears on them, and began to cheer wildly while brandishing broken rum bottles high in the air with a war cry of, "Shake it honey!"

The other X-Laws, peacefully sleeping under the stage where Yohmei had swept them, were cheering for the just-blossomed maiden in their dreams.

She began to sing even louder, and the song played out as this..

To the tune of Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend (A/N: Why yes, I do have all of Miss Monroe's movies, why do you ask? Really they are funny, and some of them are so sweet, please watch Miss Monroe's movies, she's like a super movie myth! HAHA! Take that, Liz Taylor! Marilyn was a MYTH, and you are but a LEGEND!!)

_A kiss on the hand may be, quite continental, but torture is a girl's best friend…trumpets blow _

_A kiss may be grand, but it won't pay the rental on your humble flat…or help you electrocute that rat!_

_Girls grow old, and men..grow cold, and we all lose our charm in the end! _

_But circle or square shapes, Iron Maiden's don't lose their shape!  
Torture is a girl's best friend…!_

_There may come a time when a, nun needs a lawyer, but torture is a girl's best friend…trumpets_

_There may come a time, when a, hard-boiled victim may not want to tell.._

_So use that mace to send him to hell!_

_He's your guy, when stocks are high, but beware, when they start to descend…_

_It's then when those louses go back to their spouses!  
Torture is a girl's best friend! trumpets_

…_I've heard of affairs that are, strictly platonic, but torture is a girl's best friend! trumpets_

_But I think affairs where you, must keep one tied up, are better bets…_

_If little dogs get big bagettes!_

_...Time rolls on, and youth is gone…_

_And you can't straighten up, when you bend…_

_But pointy or shiny, Iron Maiden's don't lose their shape!_

_Torture is a girl's best friend!_

_BIG trumpets blowing_

_Torture...Torture…I don't-a-mean kindness…_

_BIG trumpets, again_

_Torture is a…_

_Torture…_

_Torture is a girl's…_

_HUGE trumpets BLOWING _

_Best friend!  
_

Jeanne ended her pretty warbling, and the room erupted into applause, mostly the X-Laws, however, an audience is an audience, correct?

The Hanagumi, in a moment of ignorance on Macchi's part, passed Jeanne into the Semi-Finals along with Lyserg and Marco, but said the wrong thing upon her acceptance, "Yeah…yeah, whatever, the albino chick passes…" and thus caused the pretty nun to kill about another third of the unfortunate audience.

"This is no fun…I thought we were gonna get cars like on Oprah…." whined a stupid no name who looked somewhat like Ryu.

Tamao, who had turned bad, (as the authoress recalls…00) ran over to Ryu as if she were Éclair from Kiddy Grade, and beat him into a bloody, mess of a man, and sent him to a prison cafeteria far, far, away where Harris the Mailman from Harvest Moon64 was being detained for attaching a bomb to a letter, and was eaten by him, respectively.

Tamao swung her nightstick recklessly, and suddenly heard a high-pitched whining sound invade her sensitive ears, and soon it invaded everyone else's as well…

And suddenly, a face appeared on the huge panoramic screen that graced the wall behind the stage, and the face belonged to none other than…

Ann!

A/N: Alas, yet another cliffhanger, forgive me. Please R&R next chapter, thank you for reviewing me, both THE-PIT-MONSTER, whose stories are absolutely hilarious, I would like to work on a collaboration story with you, THE-PIT-MONSTER, wouldn't it be funny?! And, ShiningStarAngel, thank you for enjoying Magician Faust's magic shows, there will be more of him next chapter, and he will show up frequently after that…

Because…

After all…

He is my favorite character, and I am subject to bias on occasion.

Next time! Why has Ann taken over cable television? And we shall see more of Yoh, Anna, and Hana, as well as our favorite magician and a few more auditions in…

SHAMAN IDOL!!!

JA NE

Neko-Neko Faust VIIII


	5. The Shawl and The Negaverse

Shaman Idol

A/N: I wanted to do a Shaman Idol, like American Idol shamanized! Guess who the judges are? Nheh, and the contestants?

Let's just say that our favorite idol might pop up as well….Ren Hung?

Disclaimer: 'Tis a pity that I do not own Shaman King…

And lo and behold, Ann's freckled face with her yellow, crumbly, jacked-up teeth and wild blue eyes filled the screen as she spoke in a strange tongue none but our very own Horohoro could understand.

He stood there, in the middle of the stage, in all of his obese glory, munching on a fried cheese stick as if the whole world were not watching him indulge in cholesterol-on-a-stick greedily….

And so Ann spoke, "Qieirkjsso, Horohoro, fghkoiehksndoeoa! Ytuyy, oppounsfew, nnghijktus khljpieouasmsi mis inf ytuyy!! Ereonsoa oaihubdjnahjigklj! Yoh, terjhd, Anna, terjhd, Hana, hjhiesjnsjgdjs, ponies, shgusdormfdhah sd….Gbnv?"

Horohoro opened his mouth, and spoke grandly, half-chewed cheese flying every which way, "Ertd, Ann. Ertd gjuyks xcadsk, jklndsugtur…Haw haw haw! Yoh ertd! Anna tiekhdefemod!! Fghoiinni hoi hoikhdswofnncajihrugnejn, Ann-yenfs!!!"

As the two erupted into retarded laughter of, "Haw haw haw!" the rest of the audience attempted to escape by means of the Emergency Exits, which, conviently for the Hanagumi, were pad-locked so not a soul could get out or in. Both Macchi and Mari exchanged wide, cute smiles to each-other, and watched the audience panic until nearly half of them had either heart attacks or seizures.

"Hey…shouldn't we call a doctor for them?" whispered Manta worriedly.

"But do we even know a doctor, Manta-kun?" whispered Tokageroh in response.

"Yes, remember, Tokageroh?! We have Faust VIII…" said Manta, predicting his also-mexican-on-crack-sounding-even-in-the-japanese-version friend's answer.

"No!" said Tokageroh, backing away from the stage, "He's not a doctor, he's a nut job."

Suddenly, the authoress appeared, riding on a magenta pony along with Faust and Eliza!

"Dearest Johann Faustus the Eighth is not a nutjob! HIYOOOOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAO!" she screamed, pretending to know kung fu and summarily falling to the floor upon her butt, silly girl…

The short blond girl ran up to Tokageroh and crushed his skull with a mallet, rendering him ASLEEP for the time being until it was Manta and his time to perform…Then, she took a small vial from her pocket, and poured the liquid inside into Tokageroh's mouth.

"Nheheheh…" she laughed creepily, she and her best friend laughing in unison.

"What the hell was that?" asked Manta worriedly.

She flashed the small boy a wry smile and exploded into hyper mania, "IT WAS….DA-DA-DA-DUM! TA DA! SEE?! LOOK, 'TIS A FORMULA! 'TWILL TURN YOUR LIZARD WIZARD FRIEND INTO A CHICKEN NAMED WL!!!!" she softened, "Ohohohohohohohohohohohohohoho!" she, Faust, and Eliza laughing in unison once more.

Manta looked at Faust, "Oh, Faust we---"

"Tut tut!" Faust interjected rather rudely. "I specifically asked that everyone call me Fred Astaire, and you have not complied, so, Eliza, send him to hell in a…"

Suddenly, a censor from 4kids popped out of nowhere, "In a fuzzy pony blanket goo!" the mysterious no-name executive cried, disappearing.

"Okay! New plan, my fellowship! We shall send 4KIDS to HELL in a BREADBASKET!!" shouted Faust in a war cry.

Both the authoress and Eliza cheered and threw confetti and streamers down from the sky as they flew into the clouds riding on not a magenta dragon, but Donald Trump's hairpiece…

Meanwhile, in the studio yet again, the evil hillybilly Ann had ceased to go invade the screen, and Horohoro stood still by the cheese stand once again, vegetating, and waiting for the Goddess Ann to call him once again…then the Shaman Idol tournament would belong to Evil Hillyblly Goddess Queen Ann and the Negaverse!!! (A/N: Since when did I turn this into Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon? 00)

"Ghkdkkkuea…" muttered Horohoro with a turn of the head and demented cackle.

"Alright everyone, Mari says that the next performers can come up to the stage so Mari can watch them and get closer to being able to burn the audience and the couch." announced Mari eloquently.

"You mean BLURN, Mari, BLURN them and the couch." stated Macchi in a firm voice while restraining Mari's arm that held the gasoline and matches in a death grip. "Not until after the contest…" she whispered discreetly.

Mari gave a saddened nod, and announced once more, "Okay, Horo-whatever, Mari is bored, so you have to announce the next people…"

Horohoro stood there, vegetating and thinking about shawls….

"Horo-whatever?!" Mari repeated loudly.

Horohoro stood there, vegetating and thinking about shawls…

This battle of the wills-or-Mari's will and Horohoro's oblivion to all around him-lasted for two hours of constant battle between Mari and Horohoro.

"HOROHORO!" screamed Jeanne finally, "IF YOU DON'T STOP THINKING ABOUT THAT FRICKING SHAWL, I WILL PERSONALLY COME AND KICK YOUR ASS!"

Marco grabbed Jeanne's shoulder and wagged a finger at her, "Jeanne, don't say fricking."

Jeanne gave him an innocent gaze, fluttering her eyelids, "But Marco, that's the designer's name, it's a Fricking Shawl."

"Oh, alright, but what about ass, my pretty little nun?" he interrogated Jeanne ruthlessly.

Jeanne sprayed him in the eyes with her pepper spray and ran off to get a CAFFEINE-FREE soda, singing all the while…Skipping and being a wonderful little angel…

"So, without further ado (coughIhateyouhoro-whatevercoughcough) Mari introduces, Shorty and the Lizard Wizard!" Mari exclaimed, nearly snapping the microphone in half.

The fog machine was made use of yet again, and soon, Tokageroh, and Manta, who wore shiny purple sequined tuxedos that glimmered in the dim light of the halls, began to sing.

to the tune of Living La Vida Loca

_She's into supersitions…patch tribes, and voodoo dolls.._

_I have a premonition, Lililala's gonna make me fall…_

_Upside down! Inside out! Livin' la vida loca!_

_She will wear you down!_

_And her skin's the color of mocha!  
She'll make you take your clothes off and go dancing in indian guy's brains_

_She'll make you go insane…!!!_

_Upside down! Inside out! Livin' la vida loca! _

_She will wear you down! _

_And her skin's the color of mocha!_

_She'll make you take your clothes off and go dancing in indian guy's brains!_

_She'll make you go insane!!!_

_Bacaaawk!_

….

"Bacaaawk?" questioned the audience.

"Oh my god! They REALLY DID turn into CHICKENS!" squealed a member of the audience who was dressed in a cute pink cat suit, it was Hiei of Yuyu Hakusho, of course.

Suddenly, upon the great stage screen, appeared Evil Hillybilly Goddess Queen Ann of the Negaverse!

"Haw haw haw! Horohoro, tyinsdjis! Tyinsdjis! Erdsiinvkdhioahwejfokdokisom, djioasjdimfroahjj…haw haw…oyosiwiua!"

Horohoro's usual apathetic, blank expression changed miraculously to a sly grin, as he whistled a tune the reminded the authoress' cousin of the Animal House theme song, and sent down from the heavens….(A/N: What, praytell, is Animal House? My cousin typed that in!)

An empty bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken along with a large order of coleslaw! (A/N: I know what KFC is, however, perchance in a review some kindly author/authoress will inform me of what coleslaw is…I just wrote down what I saw on the menu once when we were there, I still don't know what it is…)

A/N: Please, praytell, someone tell me what coleslaw is! On one review I asked who Usher and Alicia Keys are, and what a "boo" is, and I STILL haven't the foggiest! If you are kind enough to answer these super-hard questions, I will do any type of story you request (except lemons and FaustXanyone-but-Eliza) and do it well and with a smile like on Wandaba Style! Please answer meee! See you next chapter, readers!

Ja Ne

Neko-Neko Faust VIIII- Thank You THE-PIT-MONSTER and ShiningStarAngel!!!!


	6. The Chicken Bucket Explosion

Shaman Idol

A/N: I wanted to do a Shaman Idol, like American Idol shamanized! Guess who the judges are? Nheh, and the contestants?

Let's just say that our favorite idol might pop up as well….Ren Hung?

Disclaimer: 'Tis a pity that I do not own Shaman King…

A/N: Yes, Sheo Darren, I did write this in the wee hours of the night on All Soul's Day, I am not lying! But I am posting it now, so..um-yes, thank you for your review! Review the other chapters! And what do you mean it reminds you of your FIRST FIC?!?!?!?!?!?! Are you saying it is bad?! Are you?! / Thank you THE-PIT-MONSTER, again, it would be fun to work on a collaboration project with you, (as if you'd ever want to, I am but a crappy writer…) maybe after this BURDEN is finished, or I could possibly put it off for a while…Nheheheh….And ShiningStarAngel, you were the first to review, and for that you will always have a place within my heart! Okaaaaayies!! Let us begin!

Horohoro began to chant in a rather sinister manner, "UISUSJDNDHAHS, USJSJFNS, USJFNAOJF, UFNSJNFJSNFK, ANN, USUI, BSUIGUISHDJANSUDBHUDIFBYUGYUFRTDTRUYWOJFOIWIWIRHRH!!!!!!!!"

And with the Words of Power being chanted vigourously behind it, the Chicken Bucket regained its energy and swept up Tokageroh Chicken and Manta Chicken within its inner bucket prison…Alas! Another of their dwindling numbers had been kidnaped!

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" cried Macchi and Mari in unison, falling to their knees, crestfallen.

Horohoro ceased chanting, and merely said one word…the one word that would destroy the thing they needed most!

The Infirmary!!!!

"No! Kanna!" cried Macchi, eyeing the Infirmary with sadness.

"No! Haoooo-SAMA!!!!!!" cried Opacho, but then was summarily squished by the authoress with a mallet. (he's kawaii, however…he's just so confoundingly annoying!)

"FJIYP!" cried Horohoro with a maniacal, cackling, mocking giggle.

The audience and the auditioners could only watch as the Infirmary was blown into snippets of plaster and tape (A/N: Tape?)

and erupted into a flaming inferno…

Then Horohoro went back to vegetating beside the eternal fried cheese stand.

The studio sat in shocked silence as the Infirmary burnt into gray ash, and the wind swept away the remains of Hao, Kanna, and the vending machine…or so they thought.

The silence went on for agonizing days, until they heard a lovely voice singing on the stage…A person with chocolate brown hair that blew every which way, and was shiny and smooth…It was Hao!

"Hello everyone!" he said with a chipper smile, seeming to ignore the bloodied axe in his hand.

"H-hello…Hao-Sama…" said the audience with a slight chatter of the teeth.

Kanna stepped out behind him, and solemnly announced, "Tamao-chan has quit the workforce, she said her new passion was the open, winding concrete road, the wind at her back, and the machine of the ever-living rebel, James Dean, the holy motorcycle!….Bye, Tamao-chan, we'll all miss ya!" she exclaimed tearfully, and retreated back to the judge's table for moral support by the remaining Hanagumi, who could not control Ashcroft any longer and had not for about the last two chapters and did not notice that he had run off to become a Thai tranvestite.

All in a flash, the contest had dissolved into chaos, and things were running wild, as the Hanagumi and Hao were strategizing to conquer Evil Hillybilly Goddess Queen Ann, and to return Yoh, Anna, and Hana back to their home of Funbari…

"Alright, my lovely army, we need to think of a way to kill Ann, and fast." said Hao intensely, "It's our only hope for my baby brother."

"But you're twins." commented Macchi.

"I'm a ½ second older, so there." said Hao, blowing a rather rude rasberry at Macchi.

"Well, anyway," he said, resuming a businesslike demeanor, "We need to find a way to dismember her, for that is her only weakness…and I know she doesn't like cows, or jello."

"This is gonna be hard." sighed Kanna mournfully.

"Why can't Mari just stick a banana up her---"said Mari, interrupted.

"Pink shoes!" cried a 4Kids executive.

Magically, Faust (or Fred Astaire) came down from the sky, and speared the executive on a giant shishkabob prong along with nearly 30000000 more 4Kids executives, and such….and with that, our magical crusader disappeared with these words, "Pneumoniasillymicrochopichankopis is the scientific name for the common cold." (A/N: It truly is, just to tell you, de gozaru.)

"Why jello, Hao-sama? I'm not trying to be rude, but…what's wrong with it? You've got to be crazy not to like Jell-o." said Macchi thoughtfully, kicking her heels in the air.

"Because, Ann is the source of all evil, and jello is pure goodness, so therefore, it will be her downfall." said Hao sagely.

They paused for a minute to ponder the Ultimate Weapon that could defeat Ann once and for all…Something that could save Yoh, Anna, Hana, Chicken Tokageroh, and Chicken Manta….Something omnipotent and powerful…

Not one idea came.

A very (once again) drunken Lyserg and Marco tottled up to the Judge's Table, singing and brandishing merrily their bottles of rum.

"You know, you guys are loud…It hurts Mari's ears." complained Mari, annoyed.

"We're not loud, we're merry!" slurred Lyserg.

"And they saaaay the mooor the meerrrieer!!!" the two sang together, twirling around.

"Da una vuelta!" shouted Marco as he twirled once around.

"What the hell?" asked Kanna, totally bewildered.

"Ish Spanish me lady…Teh language of de Spaniards!!!!" Lyserg slurred again, falling into Marco's lap.

The two twirled away, leaving both Hao and the Hanagumi to stare confusedly and wonder why they had ever accepted the jobs they had.

Suddenly, Faust, Eliza, and the Authoress rose down upon Donald Trump's hairpiece…

"Ohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohoho!" they laughed in unison.

"How about a cow made of jello?" suggested Faust cryptically.

"Yes, like the Trojans." hinted Eliza.

"Remember Helen of Troy, praytell?" clued the Authoress.

And, flashing the Hao and the Hanagumi enigmatic smiles, the three rode away on not Donald Trump's hairpiece now, but instead, on a spoon bearing the name, OLLY THE MAGIC BUM.

"Ohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohoho!" they cried into the midnoon, flying into the clouds once more.

"A cow…made of jello…" pondered Hao… "Eureka! That's it!"

A/N: A cliffhanger…Nice again, is it not? Whilst I write this, I am beginning to feel as if I require a break from it and to start a new fic as well, and finish this later…? Hm, I suppose I will ride this one out, and then move on to some more Faust Fics, and a collection of poetry or something…00;….Oh well, "Everything shall work out!"

PS: Now we all love cows.

Ja Ne

Neko-Neko Faust VIII


	7. Ren Hung

Shaman Idol

A/N: I wanted to do a Shaman Idol, like American Idol shamanized! Guess who the judges are? Nheh, and the contestants?

Let us just say that our favorite idol might pop up as well….Ren Hung?

Disclaimer: 'Tis a pity that I do not own Shaman King…

A/N: Yes, Sheo Darren, I did write this in the wee hours of the night on All Soul's Day, I am not lying! Nevertheless, I am posting it now, so..um-yes, thank you for your review! Review the other chapters! Moreover, what do you mean it reminds you of your FIRST FIC? Are you saying it is bad?! Are you?! / Thank you THE-PIT-MONSTER, again, it would be fun to work on a collaboration project with you, (as if you'd ever want to, I am but a crappy writer…) maybe after this BURDEN is finished, or I could possibly put it off for a while…Nheheheh….And ShiningStarAngel, you were the first to review, and for that you will always have a place within my heart! Okaaaaayies!! Let us begin!

Hao had taken Faust's advice, and finally knew what to do that would cause Ann to fall down and relinquish her powers…Here, was his no-fail all-powerful super Hao plan of Ann's destruction.

Hao's Plan

#1. Use the Spirit of Fire to transport the Jello Cow to Ann's stronghold, Green Ranch

#2. Gather a great army of everyone in the contest so far, and attack while the Jello Cow is accepted into Green Ranch

#3. Rescue Yoh, Anna, and Hana

#4. Rescue Chicken Manta and Chicken Tokageroh and sell them as pets for big bucks

It was truly a no-fail plan, and would definitely work, everyone here was basically a shaman of some sort, and strong at that, as well…He gathered up his courage, and stepped onto the stage, "Everyone!" his voice rang powerfully and bounced on the walls…unfortunately, it may have been far too powerful, and much too bouncy, to say the least.

Hao's voice bounced off of the wall behind him, hit the poor bishounen squarely in the back of the head, and knocked him out cold for what seems to be the second time in this story…

"Oh! You hit my fontanel!!" shrieked Hao as he fell to the hard, wooden floor.

"Stupid! You don't have a fontanel! You're too old!" cried his voice irritably.

"How can my own voice be talking to me when I'm using my voice to speak but you're my voice and you're talking while I'm talking!!!?!???"

The nonsensical nature of this encounter sent Hao into fits, and predictably, he made more human confetti from the audience, very lovely and rainbow colored, but with a slight odor of burning flesh and rubber, one might add.

The finals were postponed, and Jeanne, Lyserg, and Marco, who were all oddly on the same Shaman Team, AGAINST Hao and the Hanagumi, were predictably irked from this, and joined the war to kill Ann and save the Asakuras.

Either by threat or goodwill, everyone in both the audience and the entire building signed into the now incapacitated Hao's army, and were summarily trained by the Hanagumi quite terribly.

_You put your left foot in, you put your left foot out,_

_Then you turn around ,and shake it all about_

_And that's what it's all about!_

_You put your right foot in, you put your left foot out,_

_Then you turn around, and shake it all about_

_And that's what it's all about!_

Instead of Shaman Skills, the Hanagumi were teaching the non-shaman audience the Hokey-Pokey!!!!

When confronted with this later when their dear Hao-Sama was back in good health, the Hanagumi froze and began to frantically explain….when Faust, Eliza, and the Authoress rode down upon what appeared to be a floppy disk named Bob, and Faust barely dismounted the disk before saying with a laugh, "Ohohohohoho! But what if the Hokey-Pokey really IS what it's all about?"

Moreover, with that, the three drifted away into the skies.

Within weeks, they had an army, not one they would necessarily want, for all the audience had learned was the Hokey-Pokey, nevertheless, Hao and the Hanagumi would continue their crusade to dethrone Ann and destroy her once and for all!!

Suddenly, without the slightest preamble, the bolted doors swung open forcefully, as peppy music began to blare, and a shadowed figure emerged into the room and eventually, to the middle of the stage.

He took the microphone, and threw off his coat, dancing in a hyper, frantic manner.

The spotlight was just bright enough so they could make out the boy's appearance.

He was a rather short, rather skinny, young, Chinese boy with a tucked-in blue shirt, black spandex shorts, and pointed purple-black hair that matched his flashing yellow eyes.

Soon, a mingled, Chinese-accented song began to accompany his dancing, his voice was heavily accented, and he began to jump up and down repeatedly…He was singing a raher odd rendition of …

She Bangs!

_She bangs! She bangs!_

_Oh, yeah, she move, she move!_

_Oh yeah, I go crazy!_

_She look like a buttafly but _

_Sting like a bee!_

_Just like ev'ry girl, in history!_

_Oh..._

_She bangs! She bangs!_

_Oh, yeah, she move, she move!_

_Oh yeah I go crazy!_

_She look like a buttafly but _

_Sting like a bee!_

_Just like e'vry----_

The young boy was rudely cut off by Kanna, the regular, "Simon" of the group.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa…okay, first of all, who dressed you? Second, who did your hair, it looks like you've been attacked by a cat. Third, who the HELL are you?" she fired questions at him with such pertinacity that it nearly gave the poor boy a heart attack.

"I am…Ren Hung." he said with a smile. "I be new pop star! When I win, I will go to New Yohku, and live like the ture ahtist! This town is too smollu for me."

Realizing that this boy could be a powerful new weapon not only for his terrible singing skills (A/N: As opposed the REAL William Hung! Willliam Hung is talented! …Yes, I have odd taste, but I am a fan…;) but also for his Shamanic Skills, as he could sense the boy's Furyoku…

"Ren Hung…" said Hao in a sinsiter voice, much like Gendo Ikari of Evangelion.

"Huh?" wondered Ren aloud innocently, much like Shinji Ikari of Evangelion.

"You shall join our crusade, and help us defeat Ann!!!" he cried dramatically.

Ren nodded emphatically, "Okay!"

A/N: Only a few more chapters left…What will happen? Ohohohohohohohohohoho! Moreover, about the "Hohohohohoho!"

sentiment that is so dear to my heart, (sob) if you have read Clamp School Defenders Duklyon, have you noticed that almost every person in that series laughs in that manner? I have. T.T

Will someone please tell me what coleslaw is, who Usher and Alicia Keys are, and what a "boo," is?!?!?! PLEASE, I

BESEECH YOU, FAIR READERS!!!!

PS: Now we are iffy about cows.

Ja Ne

Neko-Neko Faust VIII

They walked for many kilometers, and traveled, with the help of Faust, or Fred Astaire, across dimensions to reach the realm of Harvest Moon64…a rigorous journey and not one for the faint of heart, definitely.

Flower Bud Village was not an exciting locale, very much the opposite in fact,


	8. No Crusade and Simon Cowell

Shaman Idol

A/N: I wanted to do a Shaman Idol, like American Idol shamanized! Guess who the judges are? Nheh, and the contestants?

Let us just say that our favorite idol might pop up as well….Ren Hung?

Disclaimer: 'Tis a pity that I do not own Shaman King…

A/N: Yes, Sheo Darren, I did write this in the wee hours of the night on All Soul's Day, I am not lying! Nevertheless, I am posting it now, so..um-yes, thank you for your review! Review the other chapters! Moreover, what do you mean it reminds you of your FIRST FIC? Are you saying it is bad?! Are you?! / Thank you THE-PIT-MONSTER, again, it would be fun to work on a collaboration project with you, (as if you'd ever want to, I am but a crappy writer…) maybe after this BURDEN is finished, or I could possibly put it off for a while…Nheheheh….And ShiningStarAngel, you were the first to review, and for that you will always have a place within my heart! Okaaaaayies!! Let us begin!

With Ren at their side, Hao knew that the Crusade would be invincible, and was not worried about the outcome any longer. The time was now to act, it was either now or never, and Ann must be stopped!!!

Moreover, with the weight of Yoh, Anna, and Hana off of his back (literally), Hao could relax…

Wait.

"What the hell?! Yoh?!" Hao screamed hysterically, running around in redundant circles and tracing a pattern in the tiled floor.

Behind Hao, stood a cheerful looking Yoh, Anna, and Hana, all smiling and waving happily…true, Anna's smile was a bit dangerous looking, and her wave appeared to be little more than a fist, but it was apparent that they were all safe and happy…

In addition to that…

It appeared as though all three had gone to Disneyland.

Hao rolled onto the floor, fainted, and the Hanagumi carried him to the Fried Cheese Stand on the stage to get a bit of rest and to lower his brain power a considerable bit by means of a talk with the ever-vegetating Horohoro.

The occupants of the Idol building were all but ready to leave and forget the finals, leaving the contest unfinished, and Jeanne, Lyserg, and Marco enraged and bloodthirsty, however, with the help of Faust, or, Fred Astaire, somehow the show stayed under control and the finals wer eto play out as they should.

"Now we need a NEWER host, all Horo-whatever does is vegetate, and Mari doesn't like it. Mari gets BORED when people vegetate…Mari's bored! Mari's bored!

Mari's incesscant whining nearly drove Macchi to tears of frustration, and a quick slap from Kanna remedied their trifle of a quibble.

"So…who is going to host…? Do you have any ideas…Kanna?" asked Macchi, tediously balancing a pencil on her upper lip and focusing all of her attention on it.

Kanna looked slightly troubled, "Only one…"

"Mari wants to know who it is." said, Mari, of course, holding Chuck tightly.

"Well.." said Kanna with a sigh, "Ren Hung."

Mari and Macchi burst into uncontrollable laughter, pointing rudely at Ren, who, incidentally, had taken it upon himself to be the host nonetheless.

"Hi. My name is Ren Hung. I am singer. I am good singer. But I no know nothingk about music. So, I no Shaman King Idol, I just Ren….But today, I am Ren the Host, so enjoy….Okay, guys?"

The audience obviously loved Ren, the first host they had actually liked, and clapped until their hands turned a painful bright crimson.

"Now, we have our first singer in the Finals! And I am so totally dokidy doki doki excited, (A/N: LOL ) aren't you guys? Her name is Jeanne, and she says she enjoys torturing people, drinking lemonade, and watching the Toys R Us people urinate inside of their pants! Here she is---de nexto Madonna…Iron Maiden Jeanne!!!!" yelled Ren Hung excitedly.

Jeanne stepped out from behind the rich blue velvet curtains, this time dressed in a flashy red candy taffeta gown, shaking her hips all the way out to the stage.

And surprisingly…So did Hao!

Dressed in a shimmering light blue suit, also shaking his hips all the way while he flittered to the stage, was a sunny Hao-Sama, dancing just as Jeanne was, and both of their voices sounded as sweet as melted popsickles.

Until the competition began.

_Anything you can do I can do better_

_I can do anything better than you_

_No you can't_

_Yes I can_

_No you can't_

_Yes I can_

_NO you can't_

_YES I can_

_NOOO YOOUUUU CAAAAN'T!!!!_

_YES I CAAAANNNNN!!!!!_

_Anything you can do I can do better_

_I can do anything better than you_

_No you can't_

_Yes I can_

_No you can't_

_Yes I can_

_NO you can't_

_YES I can_

_NOOO YOOUUUU CAAAAN'T!!!!_

_YES I CAAAANNNN!!!!!_

_Anything you can do I can do better…_

_I can do anything better than you!_

Apparently, the two were trying to outdo the other, and got into a rather rough brawl, scratching, and poking, and pulling at hair.

"OOH! CATFIGHT!" squealed Yoh, summarily being slapped by Anna.

"I can do anything better than you!" screamed Hao viciously.

"NO you can't!" growled Jeanne evilly.

"YES I can!" he replied.

"NO you can't!"

"YES I can!"

"NO YOU CAN'T!"

"YES I CAN!"

"NO YOU CAN'T!"

"YES I CAN!!!!"

The two were ushered to the back by Anna with an iron fist, still arguing, but thus solving the stage problem and allowing the next and last group to compete.

"And now…we have the Yaoi Dynamic Duo---Marco and Lyserg!! Yaaaaay!! Yaaay! YAAAAY!" screamed Ren excitedly THREE times.

With a flash of blinding light, Marco and Lyserg appeared on the scene, in sparkling white tuxedos and wearin roguish, drunken grins upon their handsome, tipsy faces.

to the tune of Barney

_I'll drink you_

_You'll drink me_

_We're a drunken family _

_With a swift eight-pine _

_And a beer from me to you_

_Won't you say _

_You'll sponsor too?_

True the song was short, but VERY drunk, and VERY sweet…The audience could not decide between a catfight or a drunken sentiment of yaoi love, and so left the vote open to ANYONE who could make up their mind.

Suddenly, the REAL Simon Cowell moseyed on over to the stage, and exclaimed, "The WINNER IS MEEEE!!!"

Everyone agreed, Jeanne and Hao fought, and Marco and Lyserg learned the art of the Drunken Fist from Jean from Lunar 2 ETB…

Meanwhile, a certain magician/Fred Astaire/necromancer/doctor with his favorite authoress and his beloved wife, surfed the skies on a magical Yoshi egg emblazoned with the letters: FRANK SINATRA…

"Ah, a truly wonderful ending, was it not?" sighed Faust contentedly, brushing his hair.

"Yes, it all turned out so happily….I love happy endings…" said Eliza, smiling tearfully.

"Oh, you guys…" said the Authoress, "You are the best!" she was nearly crying from the sentimental ending herself, and was wiping away tears and dutifully handing tissues to Eliza as she was sobbing rivers of joy for Marco and Lyserg's proclaimations of drunken love.

Suddenly, the three saw a 4Kids executive having a relaxing vacation within a brightly colored hot air balloon.

Faust flew over to it, holding both Eliza and the Authoress' hands tightly, and popped the balloon with a needle.

The balloon sputtered and went flying wildly, throwing the 4Kids executive 2237829178936247843, 27189467486235752902, 372493285048695768756897204395890475894375894758940, 5745894375897, and 5843 feet to the ground with an EXTREMELY satisfying crunching sound.

"TEAM 4KIDS IS BLASTING OFF AGAIN!!!!" he cried in horror as Faust, Eliza, and the Authoress watched the tranquil sun set on the rosy horizon, giggling and drinking Italian Sodas.

fin

A/N: So, did you enjoy it, praytell? I do hope you did! This is the end, and sorry about how I portrayed Jeanne, she is one of my favorite characters, and I just like poking fun at all of them, and it was surely an opportunity I could not miss…

Please do not hurt me, I am but a crappy Authoress.

Well, that, I'm afraid, is that, and this was the last chapter, if you want a sequel I could make one, and remember, whoever answers my question that I posted a couple of chapters backs gets to make me write whatever type of story they want!

Well…except lemons and FaustXanyone-but-Eliza. It is just a rule of mine for myself which I must uphold, and…(10 hours later…) yes, umm-that is it! More fics coming soon!

Ja Ne- Neko-Neko Faust VIII


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